I look for peace, but I can attain it. It eludes me. In my mind, it is a maze. I hit upon on a note, a lyric, a verse, and the very next moment there is only a tedious task to be accomplished. It is not that artistic thing altered. No. This is different. This is a new. This task was tedious to begin, this was not a transmutation. A transmutation. It makes is sound noble, and it may as well be. But this is it. I sat down to write a poem, something good. Something that would document by state of mind. No work, No friends, just me. Friends, many of them I have given up on. They disappoint me. They drag me down to their level. That level a do not like, that is common. Common is boring. Life should not be boring. Boring work, even that I cannot take. It takes time. It will away a part of my life. This is how complicated it is. I was about to sleep. But not I think I will read a bit of 'Matilda' before moving on. Certainty, won't that make life boring. Knowing everything and anything there is. There must be some gaps in life. Some chasms. And even some Abysmal pits of hell. Life should be wondrous. My eyes are burning. Not into my sockets. They are just burning. I must be tired. Sometimes I wonder, how to people stay alive with so little sleep. The best I could is 27 hours and then I slept the next whole day. Such chaos in my mind. There is no coherence, no organization. No order. Maybe that is why I prefer chaos to order. It is always ordo ab chao, I want it to be chao ab ordo.