The idea has fascinated me for quite a while. My thoughts are no longer a chaos. Chaos gives way to order. Order will then one day give way to chaos. That is the state of human mind. But image for a minute being able to control it. That would be a god like ability. The ability to control yourself. To master the universe, one must master oneself. I read that somewhere. I think that is what apotheosis is. The thought. The idea. I can't control. What I would give now just to have, even the illusion of that control. I had that illusion once. It was strong too. I thought it was real. Despite making it up. I remember a couple of years ago. At a friends place. On the roof top. A friend asked me. "tmhari manzil kahan hai?" Teenagers have such limited thoughts. Good Grades. Girls. Social Life. My ego never permitted simple answers at that time. "Jahan dekhoon yahan Ka'aba, jidhar rukoon who manzil" I know it was an illusion. That control. But now I want it. It is there. I just need to find it. I didn't lose it. I just forgot where I put it.