Wednesday, May 30, 2012


I thought of writing Something. Nothing came to mind. So I left it at that.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Not For Me

Love. As it turns out. Is something not for me. May be. I am not patient enough for it. Then again. Maybe. It just was not time for it. But then again. When is it time for it. Ah well, Life. It goes on. Hurt. I am trying to feel. Its just not that much. Either I was not true in the first place. Or I just do not feel it anymore. Neither is a good conclusion. I am more bothered. Why did they take me there. Surely, they must have known. Then. Why. Why. Why. Maybe a lesson. Love. Peace. These things. They may not be for me. Sad. This conclusion is. Then again. Embrace it.

Monday, May 28, 2012


You girl, are driving me crazy.


The lack of it. That you have in me. That is what really enrages me. Nothing else. Just this. The lack of it. Trust.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Belief. Trust. Other than Her.

Belief. Something that I lack. About certain things. About other things. I have it. Engraved. In my core. Trust. Something that must be earned. They connect. Now I know. Belief. And. Trust. At some point. They become one. Without trust. There can be no belief. Without belief. There can be no trust. Apparently. I lack both. Trust. And. Belief. She. She does not have either in me. Or may be. They are there. I just do not see them. No. I can read souls. What are trust and belief. I should be able to see them. I see them. Dead. Or. Dying. Not alive. Why. Were they like this before me. I only know a few people who can do this. Kill an emotion so. Mangle it. Twist it. Make is unrecognizable. Thus. She pushes me away. Continuously. I am stubborn. So she says. Determined is what I know. I am not leaving away time soon. That much I know. Wait. She. She. She. Her. Her. She. Too much of her. There was a job. If I remember correctly. And there were studies. Where did they do. They too had a place in here. In my thoughts. Now its just her!  She is charming in her own way. She tests my patience. Again. And. Again. And Again. But then again. It is her.

Monday, May 21, 2012


I may have fallen again. Again. My demons. I let them wake up. To destroy. To consume. They. Have a mind of their own. They lead me astray. This time. No destruction. No revenge. That is on their list. I know their list. They are me. But something else took priority. What is unique about her. There are others. But then. Why her. They are others. Others. Then why her. She asked me why. What am I to say. Without wings. I am a fallen.

Sunday, May 20, 2012


Some sick little fuck decided it would be more productive to block it here. That is Pakistan. First facebook. Now twitter. What is wrong with the people here.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Friday, May 18, 2012


There is a chasm. In my heart. It appears to grow. Not my inches and foots. But by miles and knots. The chasm. It is dark. What lies within I cannot see. Clairvoyance. It has failed me. Empathy. Mutilated to suit the design. Has failed me. The variables are constant. It is just me who cannot gauge them. The variables are variables. They are not constants. Yet they remain the same. This is not chaos. This is anarchy. The chasm must be closed.

Thursday, May 17, 2012


Bunked work today. Needed a break. Work should not be the only thing in a persons life. Enough said.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Done With

I want this to be done with. I want this part to be over. I am not exhausted. My energies are not drained. But it just feels like a drain. A waste. You know when they put fillers in between awesome series with deep plot lines. This part feels like a filler. And the worst part. I cannot skip it. I cannot jump it. I cannot  choose not to watch it. I cannot flip the pages. I have to live through them. I want this phase to pass. I want to be done with this. To live life. A little. I held back. I think. Or rather. I'd like to think. I want to enjoy it more. I want to have time to stop. Look around. And. Then. Move one. Stop again. Look around. I have been running for quite a while. From quite a few things. A lot. I ran. From her. Now I want to run again. Now. From work. I want this phase to be done with. To end. To find. A moment of eternity. Or as William Blake put it...

To see the world in a grain of sand,
And heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour. 


They awaken. One by one. One after another. But the thing is. They do not awaken all together. If they did. They would be unstoppable. Once they do. They will be. For now. The breaks are good. The pressure is good. If I cannot take it. They come. I can bear it. So they slumber. But some awoke. And now they roam. Freely. Enough. I have been spending a lot. It is 15. And 70% of my meager earnings have evaporated. Vanished. Spent. On good things. Some not so good. But that was only a fraction of a fraction. The papers are drawing near. And the end of office is no where in sight. Sigh. Life. Its that complicated. I will have to wake another one up. This one on purpose. Deliberately. For a vacations. I wish he would wake up. Blight. Fire. Black in color. It appears so beautiful. So splendid. In my mind. Imagination. At times is better than reality.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

They. Must.

He grows. Stronger. But too strong. That would be a problem. He starts. Or maybe that part is me. He won't come after people. Until they are exposed. The actually weak. He disregards. They do not interest him. He looks for better opponents. Then. Maybe. Because it is. A preparation. He is getting ready.  That is the most difficult part. After that. There are only serious games. Actual threats. Not just assumptions. Rather. Past experiences. I found out he awoke. Tonight. When I was angry. He is from among the greater demons. Dangerous they are. They burn me. If I sleep. Now. That pleasure. I lose. They must be contained. Lest they consume me too. But. They cannot be contained. Irony. Dilemma. Maybe neither. They must awaken. Quickly. I must control. or I lose. Everything.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Iron - Woodkid

Deep in the ocean, dead and cast away,
where innocence is burned... in flames.
A million mile from home, I'm walking ahead.
I'm frozen to the bones, I am.

A soldier on my own, I don't know the way.
I'm riding up the heights... of shame.
I'm waiting for the call, the hand on the chest.
I'm ready for the fight... and fate.

The sound of iron shots is stuck in my head.
The thunder of the drums dictates
the rhythm of the falls, the number of deaths,
the rising of the horns... ahead.

From the dawn of time to the end of days,
I will have to run... away.
I want to feel the pain and the bitter taste...
of the blood on my lips... again.

This steady burst of snow is burning my hands.
I'm frozen to the bones, I am.
A million mile from home, I'm walking away.
I can't remind your eyes, your face.

~ The best thing I have heard in a week...


Sleep. Its back. Not the demons'. Mine. Sleepy I am. I fell asleep twice already. Just like that. I have been feeling sleepy the whole day. I really do not know why. Must write so that I do not forget.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012


Must Study. Must step up game. Getting better. But. Need to be. Quicker. Faster. faz

Sunday, May 6, 2012


I have had two in the past three months. Both times. A rammed into something. I was not riding that fast. At a moderate speed. Around 70 kmph or 40 mph. The monetary damage. I borne the hit. So no issue. Physical damage. None whatsoever. Albeit. I was a bit shaken up from the adrenaline withdrawal. Reason for the accidents. Got distracted. Both times. Just for a fraction of a second. I hit the brakes both times too. But I end up ramming into the vehicle in front of me. I never ever bumped into a girl like that. Or a even a dude. Once a girl was about to bump into me. My friend pulled me out of the way. Another time a dude was about to run into me. I pushed him aside. Both times. Last second reactions. Avoided collisions. Why not on the road. Either some things wants me dead. Or some thing wants me alive. Either way. I have got to stop that. Not good.

Saturday, May 5, 2012

It would be fun

I just realized. Its not that I was ever bound. I always had people around me. Who would have been affected by my actions. That limited my movements. My thoughts too worked in a bind. Now. That bind is gone. There are no limits. And even if there are. They are not that strong. It is uncertain. No. It is definitive. It is hot. And humid. Rain would do nicely. If only it would. It should. It would be fun. Also long as I do not go sliding into a truck. Or a truck come sliding into me. It will be fun. Just Imagine. The bright moon. Suddenly. The sky is red. Followed by thunder. And then an ocean pours from the sky.

Friday, May 4, 2012


Another one awoke. Malice. Lets just call him that. He is not malice. Exactly. Rather a kind of it. Thereof. He is forewarned. We wields a short blade. I do not disagree with that. But. He hides it. Behind his back. Or he stabs them in the back. I do not remember which. Him I try to control. To the maximum extent of my will. My will. It is not that strong. Not any more. They are coming. Slowly. Steadily. One by One. They awaken. And they stand by my side. Malice be this ones name. He waits in the shadows to strike. He marks his enemies. But there are worse still to come. For ages I have kept them locked away. Now. I no longer have the will to hold them back. I did try. But Malice got out. Soon the others too will come.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012


I am Sorry. I truly Am. For all I said. For all I did. For all I made you feel. I am sorry. From the depth of my heart. I am sorry. Please forgive me.