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Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Can people do

Can people do what I do,
Have they really got it in them
Do they think they can just do it,
Or do they just tell lies to you...

Can people do what I do,
For you I can tear apart the heavens,
Can people do what I do,
For you I will burn the world...

Can people do what I do,
I can see right through you,
Through the lies you tell,
In hopes of binding me...

Truth itself cannot hold me,
How do you figure will the lies,
Your soul I see so to speak,
The crimson blood flowing through...


Can people do what I do,
Have they really got it in them
Do they think they can just do it,
Or do they just tell lies to you...

Monday, January 30, 2012

Anxious

I am for some reason, Anxious. Like a little boy about to venture on an adventure, like a lover going to meet his love for the first time... their excitement, thrill, whatever you may call is nothing compared to mine. It is as if I want to do something, but now is not the time and I cannot make myself understand that. It feels like me, I, we are lost. Lost in this conundrum of feelings and this whirlpool of thoughts. I have been clairvoyant, that is the only thing I have been, ever. But now, at this time it is all haze, daze, shrouded in a mist, a fog. I just want to scream, to yell my lungs out, to fall in exhaustion... anything to be calm again. Anything to be in control, again. To see again.

UnMe

I tried writing something about the dark side of me under the head the dark of me. I couldn't think of the words though. I remember it, it was fun and good... while it lasted...

Saturday, January 28, 2012

I back down...

A thought crossed my mind, I may be a quitter... I leave things when I cannot get them, I choose a different course... Its been like this for all my life, with education, friends, hell even in love I have done this... I am a f***ing coward... Hell, it's not that I may be a quitter, I am a quitter...

Then again, there have not been many things I have ran away from... turned my back on, yes I have... left stranded, maybe I have... turned down, yes I have... but never ran away from... I ran after lost causes if I felt like it.

IF I FEEL LIKE IT. A simple phrase really. I can't explain it, but I know when something can be mine, and when it isn't... it has been the same my whole life.

I can feel it. I sometimes run after lost causes because, I know I can win them. And for the same reasons at other times, I don't even try for something in front of me. And yet at other times, after pouring in my sweat and blood into something, I leave because I realize, its not meant to be mine...

Thursday, January 26, 2012

The Book Thief III

So I started reading the book thief.... and it is a lovely book, a beautiful book, a book that I cannot describe by words, it is a feeling, a sensation... it is not just pieces of paper joined together with ink splashed in between... it is a being all on its own. But I do not feeling like reading it... it is wonderful, too wonderful to be true... I am scared that it will end, the journey of the book thief will end and death will move on... reality looks bleak compared to the world of the book thief...

But you know, the beauty of a moment comes from the fact that it will end.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

The Tender Heart

Tears of sorrow from a stream of agony,
Beating steadily the tender heart...
The hands of fate then tore it apart,
Dark it was like the sun in a blight,
There was no hope, and there was no light,
The charcoal heart kept the world in fright,
Then came the eyes, that burned right through,
Searing the flesh they made the heart anew...

With life it moved, the darkness gone,
The joys of life, and all the playful things,
The wild flowers and summer winds,
Heavenly smells, and the beautiful sights,
Thoughts of darkness, it had lost them all,
The dreamy eyes though never stopped there...

They seared the flesh, to burn through the heart,
Though now it loved the world as it moved,
The darkness lost, all the blight had gone,
Then it moved as if without a carte,
A world laid bare to a bare bare heart,
The heart then healed in a tender form...

Then fate itself began anew,
Tears of sorrow from a stream of agony,
Beating steadily my tender heart,
My eyes are dry, my lips do not quiver,
Because the tears do not flow out in a river,
They all fall, drop by drop, piece by piece...

The darkness comes, back with the blight
Where once it was, set in its throne,
The charcoal heart comes back of life,
Since the tears of sorrow killed the one alive,
Beating steadily the tender heart,
No more there, no more alive....

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Mine to keep

My thoughts are mine to keep, I am not obliged to share them with anyone. People say that you must share your thoughts with someone, that someone may be your parents, friends, or strangers that you meet on chance encounters. I disagree, strongly. Sharing is important, but not thoughts and feelings specially with someone specific. Share them all you want to, they are yours, do with them as you wish. Do not tell me to share them with you or anyone else. What I share with you is my choice, my own reason. Do I ask you what you do, you I tell you what to do... do I, of course I do not... even when you ask me respond, not because I want to, but because if I do not its somehow bad and wrong I freaking social rule. Here is the reason I do not share my each and every thought with you. They are mine, I keep them, I know them... that satisfies me.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Haiku XIV

Sounds amiss, an immortal bliss,
Staying alive for that one last kiss,
 And all of time stands still...

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Realization... Saldek

If you were born in the late 1980s or the early 1990s in Pakistan and you have not heard the Don Carlos Ad music, you have wasted your childhood... If you were born after or before that time, here... and this is not the advertisement video, the song looked AWESOMER in the advertisement video...



 PS: I found a more realistic version of the song XD

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Tired, Work, and Workless

I am tired... went internship hunting today... its hard work I tell you. Dropping of the CV. Here is a list of lessons I learned today...

Lesson 1: prepare the envelopes in advance
Lesson 1a: start early
Lesson 2: eat a hearty breakfast before leaving
Lesson 3: know the exact location of the offices
Lesson 4: try not to stay and chat with a friend you just met there
Lesson 5: have some credit in your cell phone if its prepaid, if its postpaid make sure you aren't maxed out
Lesson 6: do not forget Lesson 1 & Lesson 3

I learned all this cause I made all these mistakes... the first think I did was to go to buy envelopes, lo and behold! the stationary shops were closed in the near vicinity... then I rode around the city (actually just a couple of blocks) to buy le envelopes. I did not have time for breakfast since I was running late, I just had something to eat after about 12 hours. We couldn't stop for food since we were already late. Also we knew the address but did not know the location of the offices, so we ended up wasting  a lot of time trying to search for the offices... We missed a couple of places cause of this too, they were right under our noses. Also, if you meet any friends, excuse your selves, they eat up precious time at times like these. Also, the cell phone thing is in case of emergencies... you know just in case... Luckily we didn't run into any such situation...

PS: We were running out of time cause we start around 11, start these things around 9-ish...

Friday, January 13, 2012

Patterns

I can see patterns that others cannot see, its a fact... Let me try to explain, I see things that others cannot; this is not the same as seeing what others miss, no it is not that. This is different, my perspective is different than that of other people, you included. You are not special, neither am I, I just do not appreciate your company. Its not that I do not like you, you and me, we are the same; but its just that you, you are immature, brash, and selfish. I am these things too but on a lesser degree, I told you earlier, you and me, we are the same. No, I was not born with such abilities, I developed them, polished them, toned them, Isn't that something that you did too? Oh yea, I remember, you believed that you are special, you'll learn eventually, I did.

You did not receive those calls, they were quite a few... 9 to be exact. Then you wondered what if, Ah! that question, why haven't you grown tired of asking that. I have. I used to be like you, asking that useless question a lot, it made me lose some good moments, you should stop that. Stop asking what it!!! if you are so worried about the consequences, fix it, just like you always do. In the morning with a fresh mind, when your heart isn't heavy.

People still think you will leave them out for the vultures, still there are others who are thoroughly convinced you are heartless. This I liked about you because I still do the same, reciprocate. If your being too nice there are people who believe that you are the type of guy they can push around and then expect you to help them when they fall of a cliff. But you know what you are, you will not care whether they are parallel or perpendicular. And all it takes is a little luck. Writing still does not clear my head, but is a good medium. But why the heavy heart, what was bothering you...

PS: I almost forgot, tomorrow morning, you also need that problem gone, think about it too...

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Somebody That I Used to Know - Walk off the Earth (Gotye - Cover)

I also found this... this is can't be described, at least I can not describe it...


Gratitude - Ameen Tufiani

I found this video or maybe a friend told me about it... I can't remember, cause that's not important... this video is simply amazing, the composition, and the showman ship...



O yea, he lights a fire at the end... where the video goes all (I can't remember the term) blackish...

I Wandered

I wandered the streets all undone,
A burden of this world made me lonely,
The wind was chilly and the lights dim,
Nothing really made any sense,
I never thought I would need someone...

During the travels I had met people,
Others like me all walking away from life,
We met again but they were strangers,
All of us we were the same yet unique,
Disturbed by thoughts of the steeple...

Smells I had tasted them all,
Lights I had seen them all,
Colors I had felt them all,
Beauty I had observed it all,
Slightly disjoint they were all...

Then I spied you through a corner,
A shadow an after thought just that,
First like that you appeared to me,
Wandering lost its purpose for a while,
The thought of leaving looked stranger...

Were you somebody I used to know,
In all the travels I forgot you maybe,
A sensation I had felt before stung,
You were all the world that I needed,
Why did you let me wander though...

Of Late

So yea, I came a across a couple of pretty cool vids on youtube... I'll embed them here ASAP... just a bit busy with resumes and writing at the moment... ufff... you I am beginning to believe that you can find inspiration in the most unsuspecting places...

Monday, January 9, 2012

Sunday, January 8, 2012

The Lesson Learnt

The day I joined the Chartered Accountancy profession was the saddest more pitiful day of my life... The day I passed the first module of the said professional examination was an even more appalling feat... My whole trip down this professional road was a sad and depressing experience. When I left the said fucked up profession I was depressed or on the verge of depression (I was never really depressed something that I realized later on)... When I joined the CA profession, I lost all contact with social life (I managed to make quite a few friends during college) since I did not have time for anything else other than "studies". Still you could be friends with the people in the CA profession, but it got boring. You talk about the same old things, and in the end the only thing that you can talk about is your course material. The course is droning, tedious, and very meticulous... There was no room for creativity, in fact most of the teachers and the administration worked to utterly decimate any creativity that they saw... For people who are familiar with the CA profession will know that people in this profession are tools, they are not just any tools, they are the very definition of the word tool (I still have some tool-ishness left in me, its quite a burden in some social gatherings). Of course they have parties and seminars and conferences in fancy places, but its lifeless and boring, unless your into technicalities of accounting and finance. So, where was I, Oh yea... so, no social life just studies and that too I was failing (Of course I was failing, instead of solving the past papers and practice questions I was trying to kill the Templars or reading about Demons or listening to songs or watching a movie or just sleeping...) so when I left the profession I was relieved and felt alive... then I went on to waste about a year of my life (I didn't technically waste it per say, but it was not as productive as I would have liked it to be... I completed my bachelors degree in that year ) so yea, I joined another wing/leg/stream/part of the same profession rebuilt part of my social life... its still under-construction, I am missing some vital contacts... you know a couple of go-to guys.

The lesson learned from that dark experiences in CA were simple...
1. Chartered Accountants can lie, they are pathological lairs... its part of the course curriculum (if some CA or CA student says they can't lie, they are lying)
2. Frauds and financial nitpicks are no big deal, they can catch thefts in a snap... (they also steal money just as easily) yes, its part of the curriculum...
3. They are people and just like other people in "professions" CAs too think that the world revolves around them...
4. Their skills are not limited to the 'afore mentioned three...

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Cold, Dull, and Uncertain

It's cold... not outside, in my room... not the chilly kind of cold, not the enjoyable kind of cold, no... it is the hard distanced kind of cold, it is uncomfortable, it does not make you feel alive, it does not bring a new type of sensation... no, it's not that type of cold... this is the cold where you do not feel anything, not even the tip of your own fingers...

Also, I got a cold... I got a class later today, the first class of the session... It is going to be cancelled, the first class always is. It is because there aren't that many students attending the class... many people will wait for the result, many will wait for a couple of days...

I have to finish The Book Thief also... dammit...

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

A summation of Me

To see the world in a grain of sand
And heaven in a wild flower
To hold infinity in the palm of my hand
And eternity in an hour...
              - William Blake

جو عقل میں سما جاۓ وہ لا انتہا کیسا
جو مجھ کو سمجھ میں آجاۓ وہ خدا کیسا
             - Ustad Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan

Of all the books I scoured, the poems I read, the songs I heard... these lines, those words, they are etched into my mind better than all the rest... It is like reading myself, or rather more accurately what I want myself to be. I want to be content, with what I know and what I see... No more wanting, no more needs... That is how I want to see the world, that is how I want to see God...


PS: I made a little mistake with the urdu verses, just fixed that...

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

The Reunion Plan

This plan looks extremely efficient on paper in fact its the most awesomest plan on paper:

Step 1: Using social networking mediums to bring together all the old school buddies
Step 2: Get into contact with old teachers
Step 3: Advertise the intend to have a reunion, like a mega-event
Step 4: Plan the damn thing...
Step 5: Organize it...
Step 6: Have fun
Step 7: For a reunion next year, repeat from Step3

Now this is the ordinary bit, the awesomeness comes from clever bits in the plan:

Clever Bit 1: The owner of the channel on the social networking medium is a girl, a famous girl
Clever Bit 2: Only contact teachers that were scared of the batch, or who got kicked out before the batch became infamous...
Clever Bit 3: Shift the advertising and planning and organizing parts completely on the girls
Clever Bit 4: These are girls who haven't even done their own Eid shopping before will now try to organize a reunion...
Clever Bit 5: The girls will shift the organizing to more capable people, or people too slow to say no in time...
Clever Bit 6: Hijack the transfer of responsibility, take the money, vanish... anyone asks treat them to a little good time...


Now I am being forced to be an organizer, I do not want to be an organizer... Okay so I organized a bunch of things, including a student society that was banned but that was because I wanted to; plus this plan did not get to the Clever Bit 6, I was found in the Clever Bit 5 too slow to say no part... seriously, I thought I lived in a democracy.