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Friday, June 29, 2012

Resignation

I gave my resignation yesterday. With a one day notice period. It was good. A little bit of drama from the section head. Nothing else. Today was the last day. In the morning, the manager comes in and asks me if I withdrew my resignation. I ask why would he say that. He says he does not have it any more. I am like, sir don't joke about it. He's like I am not joking. He order me to go find it. I go. Not there. I come out. A lacky comes and asks if I have the copy of the resignation which is lost. It hit me. How the hell did he know. No one knew. Only me and the manager. OH well. I think. I go to the PC. Type another one. Print. Give it to the manager. Take the receiving. I am done. I walk out the door at the day end. Made a lot of contacts. More than I would have made if I had stayed. It was a good run while it lasted. I am happy. Freaking Happy. Also. I got selected for a organization. And another position opened up.

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Screw It

Lets screw the world you and I. Lets not give a damn. And. Do it. I feel free. The drama. The politics. They are not for me. Corporate ratism. Hate it. Its bad. I decided to quit. I'll upload a copy of the letter. Once I get it received. And till the time you give me wings to fly. I'll run. Come to my side. Or. I won't fight. I will burn the world. But not with you in it. Stand by me. Fly with me. A feather. Is heavier than my heart. But. I still cannot fly. I need you to give me wings.

Also, yea I quit. I'll resign kal. Last day Friday. IA. One day notice period and all. So. You up for some fun?

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Quit?

To quit or not to quit. This bloody job. I was happy unemployed.The section head yelled at me for a good 30 mins. Then. He assigns me to the sucky project. FUCK!!!!

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Project

I have been assigned on a special project. Since my senior could not complete it. I have been sent there. It should be noted however that I will not be leading the project. I will be the help. Just like my senior. We were selected. At least I am. Not because of my skill. But because of my dispensibility. Yes. It is exactly what you read it to be. The old man in charge of a project. He is an old man. Loads of experience. Nothing to show for. Likes to exert age and position. Enough said. No?

I just wanted to say that if I do not post in the next few days on a continuous basis. Think I have died during the course of the project. Also, if you know me personally. Know there will be Mutton Biryani on the first day. Prawn Biryani and Fried Fish on the second. Korma and Nan on the third. For close friends. On the second day there will be dosas and cheelay for breakfast. Nihari for dinner. On third day, pesaret and idli for breakfast. Dalcha and papar for dinner. That be all. I think. For now. It seems.

PS: I found out today
PSS: Today was/is a Sunday.

How to Lie

People sometimes find it difficult. Almost impossible to do. I do not get why. Lie. Just lie. Little Children lie. Although its damn easy to catch them. For me it is. At least. Also. People pretend they do not lie, but they do. The drink you refused saying you are not thirsty. Its a lie. These and others. Lies. But how do you lie successfully. Success. Is not the ability to spout the lie. It is the ability to tell it convincingly. Let me tell you. How to.

A lie is not a lie. It is the truth.
It is not a collection of distorted facts. It is an epic saga.
You do not tell it. You feel it.
You do not owe anyone anything. Remember that.
Somethings should be told in great detail.
There are parts that are not that important. Skip them.
The listener should feel you, more than they hear you.
There is always a prelude. Pray do tell.
Never. Never. Never get caught.

Spread the Love.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

In Order

Turns out a little break is all I needed in order to get my mind in order. Well any one would freak out. When you are told you have to come to work on Sunday since you cannot be called on Saturday due there being an official company picnic on that day. Bloody Picnic. Ruined a perfect weekend to ruin by calling people to work. When I say in order, it implies there is not a plan. With phases and steps. But seriously man. No break after papers drives you mad. Especially if all your friends are having fun. You have another batch of papers in a few weeks. And you work in a life draining job. It is like the job is designed to suck the life away. Hmmm. I may have to become a vampire to sustain my self. Or torture an intern if I am given one. Torture an intern it is.

Also, Prawn Biryani today at home. 

Friday, June 22, 2012

The Plan.

You know what. I am going back to my original plan. To hell with it all. I am living in a FML moment. And it isn't even a moment. It is a perpetuity. The alternative is not good either. But is not leaving me any choice. What must be done must be done. But this must be done to do that. What is wrong with this world. I just want it to end. I just want it to end. Be over with it. That anguish. It lurks. Deep within the mind. It be me. Me. Me. All me. All I see is me. The masks they changed. No they didn't. The set did. This is not that set. This is that set. The damned one. The one that they hate. The others. They just had one damned. These. These are all damned. They make me, ME. Smile at anger. Laugh at pain. Pleasure in agony. Anguish to gain. The rage. No more. No more. It has no place to be. The demons they did it. They made me do it you see. No. What am I saying. There are no demons. Just me. They called them demons. These are the real me. Another side is yet to be seen. The most frightening. The damned of them all. It be cursed. I have not been that in a long long time. But now. I will be. That is all I can be. That about the others. They are there too. They are unharmed. I love what I am. People say they lead secret lives. That they are different in reality from what they are on the internet. The internet has no face. I am different in reality. From what I am in reality. And there is just one reality. To you I am Me. To you I am me. And. To you too I am me. That is what I am. An amalgam. But I can be read. People who read me scare me. They see me. And me. And me too. That scares me. See what I show you. Not what I show you. Or you.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Resolution

I just got home. I resolved to sleep early once the exams ended. It seems this is only a distant memory. Also, work. I have a feeling it is going to be hectic the coming few months.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

The White Stripes - Seven Nation Army

I'm gonna fight em all, A seven nation army couldn't hold me back..... Back and forth through my mind, behind a cigarette... Every one know about it, from the queen of england to the hounds of hell...
Just amp up that Bass...

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

News

In other news. I gots free. No wait. Not this one. In other news. It rained. Yaaaayyy. Well it drizzled. No not even that. It was like some one accidentally turned on the faucet. And then quickly turned it off. Lo and Behold. With the first few drops of rain. The bloody power went out. I did do some chores in that time. Then pondered about the impending doom. But the real news is. Was. That it rained. After ages and ages. It rained.  

Free???

I am free. For only couple of hours. Then its the office. Oh well. Back to work. My heart cries tears of blood. The streets run red. And the sky is yellow. The scorn of the heathen gods is not so mellow.

Wrong

Something is wrong with me today. Read two horrory stories and nothing of the course. Tomorrow be the last paper. Then a break of about 2 weeks before another series of papers starts. On other news. Friend saw a killing. Now he is freaked.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Hell Bound

I could not pull an all nighter. Too tired. Too sleepy to continue. And I still have a significant number of these IFRSs left to read. And only got only day. I am going to hell for this. And if I am not. I am sure on of my friends will condemn me along side them. Oh well. Adios cruel world.

Torn

For some reason. I cannot get myself to finish this reading part. I planned to get rid of theory tonight. So. I could start with the practice part kal. Tomorrow is the only day I have left. After that. There are no more days left. Day after tomorrow. Paper. I need to attempt it. I know I can still pass it. If. If I just study. But. Deep in the harrowing depths of my heart. Mind. And Soul. I cannot do it. Failure is inevitable. But If I pass. It becomes awesome. WTH!!!

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Hyper Inflation

People. Listen to me. I am a student of economics. Not by virtue of ACCA. No. Its got nothing to do with economics. Although. It does pretend like it has a relation. It does not. But I am a student. I am doing my masters in Economics. So listen to me when I tell you. We. The Pakistani nation are not going through HYPER INFLATION. We are NOT. This is a walking or moderate inflation. Ask any economist. All the Pakistani people out there crying a river that they are living in a Hyper Inflated country. Go ask the people from the African Nations (except for a certain few, which are doing quite well). They are living in hyper-inflation. Somalia. Check their inflation rate. In 2008, Zimbabwe had a 2,000,000% inflation rate. THAT IS HYPER-FUCKING-INFLATION. So stop being a nation of bigots. Thank God and do something if you do not like the current state of affairs.

On a related note. The next person who talks to me about this country being in a hyper-inflation. Just talk to me about it.

A Off Day

Being that tonight is one of the Holy Nights for Muslims. And I being one myself. I should be happy. But considering the fact that I am not a strict practitioner of the faith. I am indifferent. However. I am upset. Since it is a Night of worship and prayers. Monday morning is suppose to an off day. A Vacation. But since I am already on my exam preparatory leaves. A cannot avail this vacation. And given the fact that I am not a labourer. I do not get compensatory vacations. Sad as it may be. I am upset that I missed a vacation. Utterly Shameful. And what not. But. At least I did not lie. At least I get one good deed.

Coke Ad

This one. I really really like. This is inspiration.


 

Rerunning Scenarios.

I want to write something. Anything. But right now. My head is rerunning scenarios. With different variables being slightly altered. Sadly. Even in the scenarios in my head. I seem not to be able to pass this paper. Corporate Reporting. Such a flashy name. From the name. It sounds like people who pass this paper become were-hounds. But after some practical experience. I can tell. They remain rats. At best we can become dogs. Were-creatures. That is a whole different game. And there. There is no one. Absolutely no one to protect you. You are just alone. But not lonely. You have armies to fight. With Demons Lords at your command. Oh the fun. On the despair said. Nothing to despair of dread.

On an unrelated note. It turns out I have been inhaling thing that have china grass in them. Is that a bad thing? 

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Printer and Blood Feud

I need to buy a printer. Badly. My older two broke down. They were old. Also. I need a scanner. Just cause. Also. Studying online. And reading notes online. Is difficult. I have not studied a word. I been watching the Prince of Bel-Air the whole day. Also. Elder Cousin. No not blogging that. He may be one of the secret followers. If you are. Blood Feud it is. Brother. May only the strongest stand. And inherent whats left after.

Friday, June 15, 2012

Paper

They still left. Well one is. I sat down in the bloody examination hall. One of my brothers friends beside me. All damn serious. A few rows away. One of my friends. We look at each other. Share that look. And break into a hysterical silent laughter. After he's done. My friend begs for God's forgiveness. Silently. Paper comes. I look at it. Know question 1. WTF is that. On Q 2. Know Q3. WTH. Q4. Write write write. 30mins. One part left. Thinking. Thinking. Looking around. Hot girl from last paper. Cannot see her. Oh well. Moving on. Suddenly Idea Strikes. I solve the question on the calculator. Voila. Its an answers with a 65% chance of being wrong. What the heck. Write write write. Done with paper. Go out after tedious paper collection process. Outside. Friend asks about paper. Solving every question expertly on calculator. Another friend comes. That not the write answer man. I am like ....!!!! Oh well. FISH.

Write now. I am trying to forget what I learned. To make room for the corporate reporting paper. I missed classes of that one too. Paper on Tuesday. Plenty of time. I just hope the paper comes easy. And then the dreaded job. But before that. I trip to either nandos or cinnabon.

Reading a message

My brother reading one of them SMS NEWS alerts sent to him by one of his friends, "kahain pay 1 maragay, aur 6 zakhmi... oh nae nae, ghr k pass hoa hai... ye kahao gay *pointing towards the nimco*"

Herp. Derp. And...

People read about Herp and Derp. I personally know Terp.

On the study side. I am calm today. Reminds me of the meme. Not sure If I studied enough or I simply don't give a fuck anymore.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

My nerves are Calm

My nerves are calm,
My hands steady,
I'll tell her now,
To be mine just be ready,

My nerves are clam,
My hands steady,
Bow before the world,
My pride is dead already,

My nerves are calm,
My hands steady,
I am about to kill a man,
No sweat I am ready...


Dafuq did I just write... I was gonna write a funny poem to show my state of despair pertaining to the exam that is on about 2hours. That is it. No more blogging till the exams end. Or till I get a gap.

Ready I Am

Throw your soul through all that is despair,
Then look around and search for life so fair...

Presently I am like all set for the paper. 3 black pens. One steel ruler. One trusty calculator. Now all that I gotta do is study for the critter. And then again kal.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

I See

I see things differently. Or at least I'd like to believe that. Otherwise. Its not a so good conclusion. That aside. I see things differently. I think people look at the world in colors. They like things in colors. Pretty Colors. Bright Colors. Flamboyant Colors. Attractive Colors. Unique Colors. They like. They love. By looking at these colors. To them. Black and White. They are colors too. I do not see it like that. To me. The world has colors. But I remove them. I strip it bare. All I leave are Black and White. These to me. Are shades. Not colors. I look at things in shades. And those with the shade of Gray I like. But there is an price to pay. Once I remove the colors. I can't fill them back up. I need to learn to do that. Put the colors back. From an ancient if I can. Gray. White. Black. Shades.

Monday, June 11, 2012

Adele - Rolling in the Deep

I am beginning to fall in love with soul... again. Adele.

Roll your soul throw every open door,
count your blessings to find what you look for,
turn my sorrow into treasured gold,
pay me back in kind...

Me Neither

Do you know what is love. Have you ever felt it. Have you ever looked into the eyes of a loved one. And drowned in the beauty they hold. Na, me neither. I can think up the most philosophical stuff during exams. Like. I should get my mum to make me annday ka halwa (Egg... just google Halwa, its a sweet dish I think) for breakfast kal.

On a completely unrelated notes. Dark. Dark tidings coming in. People are failing their papers like that. Jaisay barish mein patingay nae aatay, bilkul waisay fail ho rahy hain log. This was a friend's qualifying attempt. He failed. Section Head. Talked to him too. He said, "I'll study harder next time". I mean DAFUQ!!! So yea, I am nervous.

PS: I wonder whether I should use the nashtaliq script for writing urdu, or just continue with the roman one.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Scared II

Le me. Chillaxing under pretext of study. Watching old episodes of The Price of Bel-Air. When suddenly. Phone rings. Its a number. Dunno the caller. Le me picks its up. Its from the office. Inquiry about files. Le me tells location. Le me hangs up. Le me looks at time. Suddenly wild realization dawns. They were working on a Sunday at around 5pm. They must have went there 11-ish in the morning. Le me scared. I'll have to live through the same. Kill Me. NOW!!!

Epitome of Misery

That is what I am write now. A sad pathetic little being. An epitome of Misery. The girl I loved left me. My bank account is empty. The utility companies have issued warnings to me. Life in short is a mess. I am thinking of killing myself. But then. I think. What if the knife isn't sharp enough to cut through me. Due to fuel shortage no vehicles on the road. So. No point in jumping in front of one. Jumping off a bridge is an option. But the water beneath probably dried up. So. I can't drown. I think my bank account had something to do with my love life. And the utility companies. As long as it was full. She was with me. And apparently was happy. The utility companies didn't bother me. Life in general seemed pleasant. If only she would come back. I would have a reason to live. If one I had a little money I would ride down to her place and beg her to come back. Yes. That would be better.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So I may not be an epitome of misery. I may not even be in misery. But I am looking for distractions. Last week, I even... Lets just leave that part out. It may come back to haunt me later. So. As I was saying. I may be a paradigm of misery. No not that. I feel miserable. Because of my papers. This feeling of anxiety. This feeling of pain. Its bitter. A loved one leaving you for another person. That feeling is not even close to this feeling. I need a distraction. Then again. I need to study. What to do!!! Karoon tou kya karoon. Ex. Friends. I can iron my clothes. Paint the walls. Eat a cake. A cake. That is the thing for me at this point in time. Lets go and eat a cake. A chocolate mousse cake. Yes. That is the distraction that I need. Also. Dad's b-day today. With Tea. Or or. Ice Cream. Ummm. Cake or Ice Cream. Cannot decide. AAAAAhhhhhhhh. The books. The dreaded books. I need to see a shrink. Any aspiring shrinks out there? You can write your thesis on me.

PS: While the above the line story is not true. It does feel like a better alternative. To what I am going through. Also. Ice Cream. Cake. Shrink. Not joking about these.

That *****

He tricked me. He tricked me with his shaven head and that burger-ish puppy dog face. That little. I said no. Not on Sundays. Sunday mornings for family. Nae. Kuttay wala moun bana liya dash nay. Khari Mash ki daal aur parhathy bawanay thy ami say nashtay mein. Now I have to have breakfast out. Its all okay as long its a weekday. On a weekend. Why!!! Brunch. Okay good. Lunch. Good. Tea. Yea Okay. Dinner. Perfect. But not a breakfast. That little nugget headed nerd tricked me into agreeing. I'll deal with it kal ab. 

Damn, head is starting to hurt for some reason. My timetable. I fell behind. Its on a rigid. Its an outline. But still. Now I need to read through at least 40 questions before the sun rises... Pray for Me.... 

Illuminati I or II (Dont remember which)

The point of this post is simple. It is an assignment. The post will vanish in 22hrs and 31 minutes. Don't ask why. I just thought of it. The assignment. Discover the meaning of mylo xyloto. The new Cold Play album title. The songs. Some are good. Some ain't. That is not the point. The point is the title. The conspiracy theorist in me. Has been edging. For quite some time. But honestly I have been hard pressed for time. This title means something. What. That is what you have to discover. The first one to report back gets a cookie. Those who get caught by the masons or illuminati or even the local ghairat brigade. You are on your own. Submit the report at the local meeting point. Or IM me. I'll IM back the location. That is all. Start with your assignments.

Once upon a time somebody run,
Somebody run away singing as fast as they can,
I got to go...
Once upon a time we fell apart,
You are holding in your hands to halves of my heart.

PS: Also decipher the lyrics if you can.

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Another Time

I can steal your words, I can see your lies,
Your loving gestures, And those hypnotic eyes,
I think I am drowning, Deep within your sighs,
Come on now look around, Just change your perception,
The world is full of colors, it isn't all deception,
What you wanted were glittering bones,
Maybe you never tired, maybe you never knew,
I can steal your words, I can see your lies,
That is when I said, Maybe baby another time.

Why Why Why

I wasted the whole day. Why. Nothing productive. Studies aside. I didn't even do any house chores. Sad. Sad. State of affairs.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Another Apology

To anyone who I have ever wronged. Unintentionally. Please please please please please. Forgive my mistake. Any mistake. Every mistake. I will be forever grateful. Your ever grateful. The guy who accidentally wronged you.

The Semi Colon

I think I broke the semi colon key on my laptop ;) The button is fine, but the key. It just won't go back. Now I got two options. One. Try to fix it myself. Two. Leave it and then when my brother returns from his college. Force him to fix it. Hmmm...

Breakfast

I am thinking of what to have for breakfast tomorrow. I can make something for me. But the week just started. It would be a cruel thing to do. Went out today. Kal. I think I will eat at home. Get a parcel of something. Parathy. With Eggs. Or Cream. Or simply tea. Hmmm. I can spend all night planning this. But for now. Parhai parhae parhae...  I am trying honestly. I even bought the books for it.

PS: I just remembered a conversation with a friend on the same issue this morning. Oatmeal or cereal for breakfast. I do not consider that a breakfast. It is a healthy snack. Nothing more.Another friend is of the same opinion. Although he thinks that if significant quantities of Cereal are consumed that may qualify as a breakfast. Half a box he says. I differ.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Don't Feel Like It

I don't feel like studying...

14 Days

That's how much time I got. 14 days. For vacations. 2 weeks. I feel free. On the off set. I got papers. Must study for them. 14 days. They are exam preparation leaves. An interesting fact. As per my employment contract I only get 15 days paid leave. So the next time I leave. I get t-1 days deducted from my salary. -1 cause I did not use that 1 day this time. That aside. I am going to study hard and have some fun. Starting with having breakfast with a friend after a long time. Oh, I just looked outside. The weather seems like it is going to rain. Halwa Puri it is.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

That Gecko

Are strange. And odd. There is a reason why I suspect that I may be suffering from schizophrenia. Or better yet. That I am simply mad. I see things. Not hooded figures. Or hunched old women. Or men with red eyes. Or shadows walking. I do hear things. But its mostly because of, there is a name for that. The structure of the building is such that sounds conglomerate at a point. That is not the point. I see things. Like a gecko running along the wall. Dogs fucking about. Drug addicts smoking in the corner. That guy being robbed on the side of the road. I see them. No else sees them. That is what irks me. I mean. Why me. You know what got me thinking. That little gecko baby that managed to climb atop the antenna of my wifi router. Why did I not see it climb. I only saw it after it was atop that. Dammit. Now it hid behind the table. Now the constant dread of it...

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Simple Really.

Life. Its simple really. You live. You Die. And in between. There is the little. The little stuff that accumulates into becoming the bigger stuff.  So simple. So adequate. Content. So, Life. It really is simple.


PS: I really really wanted to go some place with this. Either a dark and dreary place. Or a bright and cheerful one. But. This feels better.

Friday, June 1, 2012

Something is wrong with me

Something is seriously wrong with me. Yesterday I was bordering on madness. Today I am hung over her. Madness I tell you. Utter Madness. Tomorrow I will be hung over my work. What is wrong with me. Madness. I know it is because of the pressure. Come to think of it. Maybe she too was the result of stress. What if. What if. She was never real to begin with. She was just a figment. Of my imagination. Just something I created. Because of the stress. I think I finally went mad. I will have to change my blogger name then. No more Quarter to Insane. Plain simple Insane. But. Its not catchy. Not edgy. It is definitive. Too definitive. Hmmm... What about lunaticusindefiniticus. It looks scholarly. And oldish. I just may be able to pull it off. On second though. Papers are stressing me out. The job is draining me.

Stress relieving ideas, anyone?

Hero

Hero. Or rather a Heroine. That is what I need. No. Naa. No Heroine. Then she would change the rules. The rules cannot be changed. They make my world go round. They change. I break. I lose. Cannot afford to lose. The masks. The demons. The snake. The darkness. And Me. All must come together. Otherwise. Life. It stays a mess. Maybe. What if. I became the Hero. Changed the rules. Just a little. Enough to allow them to merge. A hero is not there. At the right place at the right time. No. A hero does not fight the system. No. A hero does not give hope. No. Then. What is a hero. A hero. Proves the exception to the rule. He proves. One man. One man can break the rules. Can change the game. One man. That is all that is needed to make a difference. That is the hero. One man to change the tide. One man to swing the scythe. One man to light it all. And let it burn to ashes. I just realized. I wrote something akin to what was written on the Sauron's Ring. Black Speech it was called. That language. Irrespective. My thoughts a cluttering again. Not a good sign. Not at this time at least. Hero. That is the objective.life

I just realized...

I just realized. Yesterday. I do not have the revision kit for the Financial Management Paper. Its simply a book which has solved  past papers. I have the study text. Today I realized. I do not have the revision kit for the Audit and Assurance Paper as well. I will buy that book too. Kal. InshAllah. That is the plan at least. These books. They must be bought. Or else I fail again. Darn books...

In other news. Office is life draining as usual. No time left to study. Or whatever I get. I spend on the internet.

Papers. The best time for self reflection. Darn.