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Wednesday, December 17, 2014

More than 100 children died today

The blight, it doesn't hear the plight,
Have you ever heard an innocent sigh,
All that you can do is fucking lie!

Did you see them die, did you feel their pain,
What does it matter, what have you to gain,
You little fucks!

Politics, Religions, Ethnicities, they matter,
But they were little children, you venemous adder.
May you rot in a pit in hell filled with satan's shit!

These politicians they won't own up to anything,
All they do is fling their bling and make their glasses go clink!
They are just as vile, vicious, repungent, horrid and immoral!

I won't say this was wasn't my religion,
I won't say those were some alien enemies,
I won't say we are victims,
Cause we are all to blame!

I can write all I want, and make an
avant grande of a taunt,
But it won't matter, cause they are dead,
And the killers are still free in their bed.

PS: Today was one of those days, you know... fuck this place man, seriously! who kills children! specially when its expressly forbidden in the very religion you purport to follow!!!

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

The All Diet

I have developed this diet to help the fats. The fat people. Fattys, chubbys, gulguly, mustanday, what ever you what to call them, this is to help them. I too was fat once. So yea, this diet is based on the idea of nirvana, that you have to eliminate the want for food. You see fat people are fat because they eat too much because they want to eat food. Eliminating the need to eat food my way of a balanced diet is the key idea here. You can make the changes that you want to the make, but I suggest you don't.

So its quite simple, I only drink hot water in the morning, followed by chai, and an hour later coffee. In between I only eat eggs, 2 boiled, Some fruits, and if I have a hectic (work) day ahead of my then a nice healthy sandwich as well. I ony have parathay or halwa puri or any other heavy breakfast only on saturday and sunday and other holidays.

Then you don't eat anything else, but the trick is to have a nice snack handy to keep yourself from binge eating till lunch. The snack should preferrably be tasty, none of those messed up snacks, you know the ones that are tasteless, no none of those. Then of lunch, some rice with meat and vegetables, have them any way you like. But be sure to about wheat, no wheat based products. Bread works too but it has to be substituted with the rice, both should not be consumed at the same time. Then till dinner keep the snacks handy.

For dinner only have meat, any kind, with the usual side of vegetables. I prefer fried potatoes as they are tasty and have a lasting effect. You should also take care not to forgo the sweet dish at the end. Eating sweet food after a dinner ensures you don't crave for more food afterwards.

Also, as far as eating out with friends is concerned, you should cause the idea is to kill the temptation. If you let it fester it will burst out. Like if you were to one cheese burger with double pate before, after letting the temptation fester you'll eat two or three or four... so control the temptation not the hunder. Drink all the juices and drinks you can, remember to keep up your fuilds. Also sweets are a fundamental factor as they not only increase your metabolism, they also give that fulfilled feeling with killes the desire to eat.


PS: Its hastily written cause of the exams, so please do feel free to ask me anything in the comments, via email, via call, any way you like, I'll answer. Also, please forgive any typos, errors, mistakes etc etc.

PPS: that topic, the one going on in my head, its still pending. 

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Of Thetas Vegas and Latin Hypercubes

I sometimes think I may be pursuing the wrong academic path. Like professionally I am you know kinda sorta in the right place there, but not academically. Is that a common type... you thought?

The Post

I wrote this post about this topic that has been going on in my head for quite a while now. It came from this discussion we were having after lunch one day about the city and its state. Nothing serious really, we are morons. So I wrote a post about it too, but its seemed to selfies. It had too much of me me me me me, in it. That may be cause I lost my phone, refer previous post. So I will write a new post about that subject. As soon as I am able to.

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Snatched

My phone and my wallet were snatched. In the morning. While going to work. On a busy main road. So yea. Life.

Sunday, October 19, 2014

The little things again

It is a bit tricky, looking at the little things. It is not quite as simple as a lot of people would have you believe. The idea is to look at the things that matter the least. Like for example, how do you place that cup of tea, how do you hold it, who do you prefer to interact with and who do you have to interact with. Things like these. These little things, they being to tell a story, the real story actuall, the unadultrated story. Little things also include things which make you simple and things which you tend to ignore on a regular basis. Do you smile when you talk to that person or are you angry.

These things, these little things. These are the ones that matter.

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

A character in a story

Have you ever felt that you were stuck in a story. A character in an unwinding novel or even a novella. I did feel like that, I can't say I never felt like that, that would be a lie. It is never really that simple. But I don't feel like that anymore. Now it is a tedious or boring feeling. If I ever was a character in a story, and writing this as part of some story, I'd be a character in the background. You know, the ones you never read about but you know they are there cause there have to be other people in that fictional world to fill the space. Yes, that one.

I always thought being a character in a story would be fun and enthralling experience, but now I think it won't be that great. I mean most of the characters suffer heavily and only the protagonist gets anything ever in the end, the other are just collateral damage. I'd be one of those. Probably.

I have these friends and acquaintances who lead these extremely entertaining lives, they actually lead lives. I on the other hand, just live idly by. There is nothing exciting, nothing worth noting happening in my life. I'd like to say I had a revelation of some significant magnitude. Some epiphany that allowed me to change the way I see things. But the way I see things is quit blight and quite frankly very despotic. The only glimmer of hope, or life so to speak, comes from other people but that too is a necessity of survival. Without the wanton need for attestation and assertion, I'd even disband this little contact that I have with the outside world.

A character in a story. It would be a very depressing story. Driving people to suicide if it were written well. Always there to kill your spirits and encourage a vague sense of despair. That is how that story would be written. And I'd be there, the boring automaton who unwittingly showed you a glimpse of the mundane. Nothing serene though. Just plain boring unlifely stuff.  

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Left

My brother left for Germany a week ago. Its been a long time it seems.

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Again and Again and Again

I am going to try something again. I did it in the past, I will do it again. With some slight changes and variations of course. But I will do it again.

Saturday, September 6, 2014

Sunday, August 24, 2014

Its not that I am not depressed

Ever since I came back to Karachi, I haven't written much. Its not that coming back to the city fixed me and made me sane. Its just that, ever since I came back I haven't had time. Time is always a rare commodity in this city. My depression hasn't gone anywhere. Its actually increased, but given the different venues of expression that I have here I am able to control it to a certain extent. I am more relaxed too, may be its cause this is my city so I am not that worried here. Life has been good, and it will continue to be good, God Willing.

Sunday, August 17, 2014

The Retirement Plan

I made a plan, a retirement plan. Not one of those I'll save enough money by this age and this money is enough money to I don't have to work plan. Its an actual plan. It involved demoting to a low level job and then reducing my work load while my pay increases due to seniority. Its quite simple. I think but there may be some details I haven't worked out yet. I'll get to them later.

Friday, August 15, 2014

Leave me alone

You know when you just want to be left alone. I mean actually alone. I feel that way. It doesn't happen with family. We have this unspoken rule in the family, we leave each other alone. We take care of each other, but we don't smother each other, we don't force our company. Yes, we are there when someone wants us to be there. But its family, they deserve that time. They can have that time. That time is theirs to be honest.

Its not the same with friends or co-workers. Okay so you are cool and all that but enough is enough. You are lame as hell and I am only with you cause I work with you. I do not like your company. Honestly I don't. Its that simple. Get it already. 

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

A walk

You know when life just doesn't pan out, when nothing seems to work. You don't feel depression if you are with people. Especially with people who talk the same as you. Leave all of that behind. No, not metaphorically, literally. But go out for a walk. That's all it takes.

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Got Lost

I got lost today while coming back to the guest house. Lost in Islamabad. Its a miniscule city. Seedhi Seedhi roadain hain, us pay bhe bhatak gae! but I liked it. It was tiring, a bit unsettling. Its our habit to get unsettled. See, there is this long standing tradition in our city, as soon as it becomes obvious you don't know your way you are bound to be a mugger's target. Even if you do know the way, it doesn't make much of a difference to them. Lugging laptops with you is not a smart idea if you want to get lost. I like getting lost. That is how I discovered half of my city. By getting lost. The other half I asked the people or followed them around. Two halves of the city I still have to explore, but I'll maybe do that when I get back. Back in college, I'd bunk my class and even the evening coaching classes to go somewhere. We'd always take the road that looked good to us or seemed right. But today was fun, we walked. This is a good place to get lost, you are never too far from the familiar place. But that is not the point, this is a good place to get lost. The weather is pleasant this time of the year. I had to use Google Maps to find my way, I'd have preferred not to use that. but it was fun. We found a nice chai wala just a street behind the place where we staying. We were dying for a good chai. But it was fun, I'd like to get lost one more time before I leave and be able to write about it too.

Truly Demotivating

You whats truly demotivating, its your ability to not be able to act. Even if you could act, your ability to not take a definitive decision is. Even if you could take a definitive decisions, your inability to consider the factors is. They all seem self defeating and self serving to me. It would appear that they do not serve any purpose other than to defeat themselves. I feel depressed, rather I don't feel it. I am always depressed. I had gotten used to it though. Now something has changed. I feel it always, looming around me. Although it does have its advantages. But it is becoming a bit too much to suffer through. It is taking its toll on me. I need a win. Just one would do you know.

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Contemplating

Have you even contemplated anything, and by anything I mean anything. I am not talking about the meaning of life of other serious stuff like that. Oh no, I am talking about something mundane; like why does the tea swirl the way it swirl, why did that creaking sound leave the door, why are you leaving on the right side and not in front. Things like that, things with no purpose apparently. Have you?

Sunday, July 20, 2014

The Mail Box

How do you see life? How do you measure it? There is no one answer, the most rhetorical of those has to be life is lived, not seen and you can't measure it you live it. But there must be a way to see it, to measure it. How do you measure your life, see it or feel it?

I went through my mail box, I would have liked to go through old letters but emails it is. I was dismayed to be honest, kind of sad too. But it was a record of my choices, a clearer perspective of how I had lived my life. My mail box is filled with records of work, clients, projects. Nothing about family, nothing about friends, just work. What does this represent? I'll think about it some other time.

Sunday, July 6, 2014

Saturday, June 28, 2014

A treatise on the beauty and soundness of the musicality of the night

... In the dark of the night, when all is quite. The world which we inhibit becomes haunted. Not by ghouls, ghosts, and monsters. Oh no! those things are just a figment of our imagination, it's just our way of coping with the horrors that we see around everyday. These creatures that inhibit the night are not sinister, well maybe some of them are, but not all of them. Some of these creatures are just bound to surface at night, the others are just creatures of habit. But these creatures are really not our concern. I merely mentioned them in the passing. Just so you know, you know. Our concern, is the night itself.

The night in itself is quite intriguing. For me it is at least. For those of you who do not find it intriguing, I actually pity the fact that you people have quite limited intelligences at your disposal. This will be further strengthen by the fact that you people must never have heard the night either. To your ordinary faculties, all that you can perceive is the silence of the night. But to a more developed persona, the night offers musics from the celestial orbs themselves. Before moving on the to the next point in this treatise let me recap what I have elaborate so far. To those of you who have ordinary faculties, the night appears mundane and boring because all you see is the darkness and all you hear is silence. To those with more evolved faculties, the night appears more alive then the day itself. The night has sights for the beholder to behold which are not even possible during the harsh day time. The music form the celestial orbs that permeates the night and drowns even the sweetest melodies from the greatest of the mortal composers.

So far we have covered five of the basic senses that every human being has evolved with. I would have covered more senses but given that these senses are only accessible by the more highly evolved amongst us, it would be unfair to the ordinary people and tantamount to flaunting, a gentleman never flaunts ...

Excerpt from 'A treatise on the beauty and soundness of the musicality of the night' from the desk of anon. I found these while ruffling through some old manuscripts I found here and there. And might I add on a very related note, it is quite windy here today.

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Lorde & Ellipsoid

Lorde, has an amazing voice. I think I am beginning to fall in love with the voice.

Also, on an unrelated note, if you are looking to pack things in the most optimal manner, epllipsoid is the shape to go with.

Saturday, June 14, 2014

Doubt

Broken into a million little pieces, each piece going about its own separate direction. Each locked in it own struggle, each in its own dimension. And in the midst of it all you, trying to break free. Free from what. That is the question. Seemingly you are free. Seemingly. That is the point. You are bound, shackled. True freedom is not yours. The most you will inherit as far as freedom is concerned is what your parents. They did not have much either. You keeping struggling until you realize it is futile and you give up. Then you are freed. But that freedom is not worth anything by then because by then you are caged, in your mind. Keep struggling for freedom and it is never given. That noose around your neck, it tightens. You do not have the strength necessary to break free. You though you did. But you don't. You should give up. That is the prudent thing to do. To give up. To let go. You should. Shouldn't you. It is not in your nature. And then there are these bouts of doubt. Making you second guess your every decision. Doubt is a fire. It consumes you. Hell bound, been around. The world frowns, time slowdowns. Resilience.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Dead of the night

The dead of the night,
A full moon howling,
Wake up in the night,
The cold winds bellow,
A lark's song is sung,
Look the stars do shine,
The ghosts whisper aloud,
A lost soul walks by,
Stare into its eyes,
The deathless stare beckons,
A calm engulfs you,
Back again to sweet slumber.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Reply

The sky split asunder,
with a loud thunder
To answer to the Lord of Hell,
the old gods, they fell
Deep down you all know
It isn't going to help you.

Sunday, June 8, 2014

Just rude

Now I understand why I used to write. Why I still am doing what I am doing. Writing for me is like an outlet, an expression to curb the inhibitions in reality. In reality I am just a jerk. Not a bad guy, no not necessarily. Just rude, that is what I am.

Saturday, May 24, 2014

Writing

I just didn't stop writing out of the blue you know. I just couldn't write anymore. It's not like one of those I could but I wouldn't moments. No, its like I just couldn't do it anymore. The creativity just stopped. Or so I thought. And recently it hit me. Its the perspective and focus that have shifted. I am more busy or rather more engaged. I have to study now, and here I am back. I do need to start studying. But I like writing too. Sadly, I couldn't have a career out of it.

Friday, March 28, 2014

Changing Trends

You know how they are changning those old disney movies for wussy children into stories for better children, I like that trend. The fact that they made Little Red Riding Hood into someone who doesn't actually need the help of a wood cutter (no offence to wood cutters, respect there; it's a dangerous profession) or the fact that they made Snow White into someone better or even Sleeping Beauty is a nice fact. Also the thing where the monsters are not monsters but the people are the real monsters actually appeals to me. So yea, overall that change is nice.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

The Different One

A question is an integral part of my posts. This post will be different. This one will not be like those posts.

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Mundane

I was meaning to write. But I could not bring myself to write. To write is a tedious task. But to others it comes very very naturally. To me, at times, it comes naturally. Other times, I have to force it. It is of course quite gruesome and grueling. But then again, I could not find anything to write about. People, even my friends find something to talk about. I can't. I find it difficult. To talk about things. These things. Life in general. Have you ever gone against the tide. I do only talk abstract. And most of the times, I just write abstract. Abstract. It defines us. It goes on. It is surreal. I like surreal. Real is... well, mundane at times.

Monday, February 10, 2014

Despair

Have you ever been surrounded by despair. Like the world is melting away. Time is just slipping through your fingers. And all the things that you thought you would do are no more there to be done. Or rather, they are there to be done; but you do not have the ability to do them. Like life is meaningless. You know you were... or rather you could do great things. But you just cannot for the life of you, do those things. Have you were been surrounded by despair like that?

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Missed Out On The Living

I often worry that I may be missing out on the living. I am afraid that in a few years I will look back and say that I missed out on the living. But then again, I now so many people who are missing out on living, but to them they are living. So, I guess there are different standards to living just as many as there are people in the world. Or rather thoughts in the universe. We aren't just living in a closed space, we do live in a close system but to us it is open. Our thoughts are different and that is what makes us us. But this is digressing from the point.
The point is that I am scared to miss out on the living. After having achieved things that I want to achieve, what if I have actually missed out on the living and the phase that I am experiencing is like the post-living. You the place where people go once they are done with living, what if I end up living that. Missing out on all the fun. Fun has different meanings for different people but the desperation of some to appear unique so much so that they digress from fun is baffling to me.
I want to write, like I talk. In a flow. Incoherently. Nonsensically. But that is not going to happen. What if I missed out on living while writing this. What if you missed out on living by reading this. What if this was a coherent revenge scheme hatched by me or the creators of the internet to take revenge for making them missing out on the living.
Actually, before we decide whether we have missed out on the living or are missing out on the living, we have to decide and agree on a very very crucial point. What is living. Only after determining that can we worry about missing out on what we define as living. After all, no one wants to have missed out on the living. 

Sunday, January 12, 2014

Saturday, January 11, 2014

Kinda Sorta Agree

I read this blog post recently, about pampering children. I kinda sorta agree with it. Children should not be pampered. Although my parents pampered me, they gave me what I wanted even if it meant forgoing something they wanted; but where they couldn't, that is where I grew and learned. What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger, I kinda sorta agree with that too. These appear to be two completely different things. They are connected in my mind though. But then again, a lot of things are connected in mind.